03 Sep 2008
Schedules

RNC Schedule, Day One

7:00 pm - Ceremonial burning of the U.S. Constitution
7:15 pm - Spiritual Medium Sylvia Browne tries to raise Ronald Reagan from the grave
7:35 pm - “The Pleasures of Adultery” - with Newt Gingrich & Rudy Giuliani
8:05 pm - Gay sex party in Men’s Restroom hosted by Senator Larry Craig
8:35 pm - Ann Coulter – “My Life as a Man”
8:55 pm - Live satellite feed from Federal Prison – Ohio Rep. Bob Ney
9:05 pm - Guest speaker ex-Florida Congressman Mark Foley ” Joys with Young Boys”
9:25 pm - Oliver North – ” Iran is Evil, but I sold them weapons anyway”
9:40 pm - Bill O’ Reilly – ” The costs of sexual harassment and phone sex with employees”
10:00 pm - Gay sex party in Men’s Room hosted by Ken Mehlman and Geraldo Rivera
10:25 pm - Check John McCain to see if he’s still breathing and if his adult diaper needs changing.
10:35 pm - N.R.A. President hosts an assault riffle target practice on Gays and Mexicans.
10:45 pm - Call emergency squad after a drunken Dick Cheney accidentally shoots his friend in the face.
11:00 pm - President Bush performs his hilarious comedy routine where he looks for WMD’s under guests tables.
11:15 pm - Governor Mike Huckabee does his famous uncanny imitation of Gomer Pyle.
11:20 pm - Group intervention to get Rush Limbaugh back into drug rehab
11: 45 pm - Go up on rooftop and throw rocks down at homeless Vets sleeping in alley.
12:00 am - Live satellite feed from Federal Prison – California Congressman Randy “Duke” Cunningham
12:20 am - Convicted felon/Fox News analyst G. Gordon Liddy – Lock picking secrets
12: 40 am - Guest speakers Donald Rumsfeld and Paul Wolfowitz – “How to lie your Country into a War”
1:00 am - Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay – “Tips on Money Laundering”
1:15 am - Hookers arrive for after party

DNC Schedule, Day One

7:00 pm - Opening flag burning
7:15 pm - Pledge of Allegiance to the U. N.
7:20 pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
7:25 pm - Nonreligious prayer and worship with Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton.
7:45 pm - Ceremonial tree hugging.
7:55 pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:00 pm - How I Invented the Internet, Al Gore.
8:15 pm - Gay Wedding Planning, Barney Frank.
8:35 pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:40 pm - Our Troops are War Criminals, Jane Fonda.
9:00 pm - Memorial service for Saddam, Cindy Sheehan.
9:50 pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
10:00 pm - Answering Machine Etiquette, Alec Baldwin.
10:20 pm - The New Drive Thru Abortion Express Lanes, Cecile Richards
11:00 pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
11:05 pm - Collection for the Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund, sponsored by Barbara Streisand.
11:15 pm - Free the Freedom Fighters from Guantanamo Bay, announcement by Sean Penn.
11:30 pm - Oval Office Affairs, William Jefferson Clinton.
11:45 pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
11:50 pm - How George Bush Brought Down the World Trade Towers, Howard Dean, who will perform his trademark scream.
12:15 am - Truth in Broadcasting Award - Presented to Sir Dan Rather by Michael Moore
12:25 am - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
12:30 am - Satellite address by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
12:45 am - Nomination of Barack Hussein Obama by Nancy Pelosi, live via satellite from Syrian President Assad's hot tub.
1:00 am - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
1:05 am - Coronation of Barack Hussein Obama
1:30 am - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
1:35 am - Bill Clinton asks Ted Kennedy to drive Hillary home.

found in various spots around the 'Net

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