19 Aug 2005
Old Butch

a little ag humor from within the crainium.

John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young laying hens (called pullets) and eight or ten roosters whose job it was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and got replaced.

But that took an awful lot of his time. So he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so John could tell from a distance which roosters were performing. Then he could sit on the porch and fill out his efficiency reports by simply listening to the bells.

The farmer's favorite rooster was Old Butch, and a very fine specimen of a rooster he was, too. But on one particular morning, John noticed Old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all. So John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells a-ringing. But the pullets would run for cover when they hear the roosters coming.

To Farmer John's amazement, Butch had his bell clamped in his beak so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his bit and then he'd sneak up on another one. John was so proud of Butch, he entered him in the county fair. Butch turned out to be a sensation with the judges.

The result? The judges not only awarded Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize" but they also awarded him the "Pullet Surprise" as well.

Clearly Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two highly coveted awards by sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?

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Address to a Commander in Chief

Achilles scowled at him [Agamemnon] and answered, "You are steeped in insolence and lust of gain. With what heart can any of the Achaeans do your bidding, either on foray or in open fighting? I came not warring here for any ill the Trojans had done me. I have no quarrel with them. They have not raided my cattle nor my horses, nor cut down my harvests on the rich plains of Phthia; for between me and them there is a great space, both mountain and sounding sea. We have followed you, Sir Insolence! for your pleasure, not ours."

Homer, Iliad 1.148-158 (tr. Samuel Butler)

via laudator temporis acti

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Pass the salt

This isn't a Study in Stupidity - it's studied lying.

There is no correlation between sodium intake and blood pressure or cardiovascular disease in the general population.

I have some personal experience in this area, as I was involved in a salt study at Indiana University several years ago. The results: varying intake of sodium had absolutely no effect on the blood pressure of any of the study participants in any meaningful way.

If all of this hasn't convinced you, here's another link to some of the bullshit surrounding salt intake. The only thing I haven't really figured out yet is why these folks persist in this: they managed to reverse themselves on trans-fatty acids, why can't they admit they were wrong on salt?

If you are trying to avoid salt, you can't trust your taste buds. That's the message from a new report by the Center for Science in the Public Interest, which is trying to refocus attention on the dangers of salt hidden in packaged and restaurant food.

(link) [U.S. News & World Report]

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Chocolate Crack in a Bottle

This just in via email, from a delivery customer who's become, er, well, rather fond of my chocolate milk ...

Now, for your recreational drug use, an organic alternative to that nasty stuff sold at the corner of Washington and Tibbs from the trunk of a ’79 Datsun: liquid chocolate crack in a bottle!

Behold your brain:



Behold your brain on Trader’s Point Chocolate Creamline Milk:

Yeah, that's a Hammerstead brown egg that's pictured, too!

00:00 /Humor | 1 comment | permanent link